The end of a h-era!

If you don't know the story of how Clay and I met...it might be comical to know a side detail. When Clay and I were first introduced, and he asked me out for the first time I had the hair you have all come to know me with. Between that first phone call from him and the night he picked me up for the first time to go out I cut it all off after a miserably hot trip to Fish Camp. Since that moment even referencing haircuts in Clay's world can cause major anxiety...and for 12 years (yes all 12 years since our first date in August of 1996 - does that win some kind of wife award?) I have kept my hair past the shoulder blades to satisfy some ridiculous notion he has that girls should have long hair...that is until today. Today I donated 12 inches to Locks of Love hoping that a child with cancer would be blessed with the option to wash and dry all that hair from now on. I include picture proof because I know that you would never believe me otherwise.

It is not a great hair style yet, but hey - one step at a time.

Relaxed enough to be thankful

There are days that more often than not, I am actually too busy to be overwhelmed and thus really, really too busy to kick back and remember to be thankful. This Thanksgiving has been wonderful. To begin, its the one year mark since Clay made it home from his second tour in Iraq which makes me thankful for a ton of reasons:

• Clay has been home - really home - for a year (this is the first time in our 7 years of marriage).
• In this year of togetherness we did not kill each other as some predicted.
• Being home, Clay has been able to watche the pregnancy and birth of his second and third daughters and has spent countless hours with his oldest daughter.

In this year since he came home, we were moved to Charleston. If you know the military then you understand why military families use the phrase that way - "we were moved" and not we moved. That is because this move, like every other in Clay's 10 years in the Army, was not my choice. In fact, as always, they didn't ask my opinion about it before sending a set of 'orders' to his 'dependent' to schedule movers to come get our stuff and punt us half way across the country to a place I had to look up on the map. But, alas after 9 months here in Charleston let me also say I am thankful for this move because:

• We won the neighbor jackpot. Everyone in SC has been amazing and welcoming.
• They have seasons in South Carolina.
• Clay's job is easy. I mean really easy compared to his normal life. We both needed that.
• See notes above on how Clay has been home for a year and we haven't killed each other.
• Our girls were born with the aide of fantastic (non-military) healthcare!
• Kayla has done beautifully in her school.

In addition to all the really good things that have happened, this year in particular marks the culmination of a heartbreakingly difficult journey to build our family. With Kennedy and Karsen soon to be 6 months old, I am almost to the point where I can actually be thankful for the painful lessons God taught me along the way. I can definitely be thankful - beyond gloriously thankful - for the the abundant blessings that resulted. (And the fact that they finally sleep!)

So, with 4 desperately necessary days off (of one of the many jobs I regularly find myself barely getting by in) I can kick back, relax and enjoy it all enough to be truly thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Halloween at our House

There were 25 hours in this day, which gave me just enough to sneak in pictures. I promise to write soon.

My first night away

I am not a sappy person, or so I would tell you. But as I sit here in Washington, DC fighting the same tears I have been choking back since pumping at 10 minutes to 6 this morning and so ut seems leaving my babies is harder than I want to admit.

Now its not that I don't like to work. I do, and I have discovered that I am not good at not working so rather than volunteer my time into chaos, it makes good sense to get paid for a schedule. Its also not that I don't like what I do. I am for the most part indifferent to my exchange of corporate work for money at this point. And it is certainly not that I don't like DC or travel. In fact if I have to admit it, that's probably first on my list of why I do keep this particular job. But, I can not get over Karsen's little cry yesterday when she got her 4 month shots, or Kennedy laughing out loud at Kayla who insisted on dancing in her white (yes as opposed to black) cat costume.

I guess it just means that somewhere along the way I really did become a mom. A real mom. The kind that will cry as she gets into the car the first time she leaves her babies in the uber capable hands of their dad and nanny and boards a plan where for 36 hours she is a 1 hour and 5 minute plane flight away from every little noise they might make.

Its not like I left little weak premies. Karsen weighed in at the 75th percentile at 14 lbs and 5 oz. With Kennedy at 50th at 13 lbs and 3 oz. Certainly I don't need to prove Kayla's health or independent capability as she moves into 5t-6t clothes and stands a head taller than most of her same age friends. *Not that she always loves on those friends: Evan got bit the other day for hitting her on the playground at school -- which her dad declared good self defense and evan used as solid debate material to prep for his white house run by arguing that he was in the lesser of the wrongs -- but alas, rather than spend my fleeting moments here in DC obsessing about the new boss I have or the mounting inbox or what I am going to wear to the very awesome opportunity for a girls dinner out tonight that I get to sneak in, I am just passing time until I can call home again and not look like a stalker.

Quick peek into October

Between being back to work and hosting the Strickland Aunts and Uncles, there is just no extra time in the day. Here is a quick sneak peek into our ramp up for Halloween so far. More info to come soon.

W day...

I have always been a sprinter. From athletics to deployments, I do things best when I can see the end in sight. I have the "I can do anything for 5 minutes attitude". So, it should come as no surprise to me that I am dreading the end of maternity leave with a kind of sick anticipation that comes with anything I am asked to do that requires endurance.

Friday is my first official day back at work. I am trying anything to fill time beforehand with pleasure. I have a massage scheduled for tomorrow in hopes of finding bliss for an hour before the end of what has been 6 months of intellectual vacation (when you include the bed rest before birth).

For now, duty without a paying boss calls...

My first weekend alone...

This weekend was Clay's first in the field of the new school year. That means that he left our house before 5 am on Friday and was gone through the weekend. That's right, it was me vs. the 3 of them for 3 days and I lived to tell about it. Not with an abundance of sleep, never with an extra moment to do anything, but none-the-less, the house is standing, all the kids were feed and bathed and rested and even...just maybe...had some fun. We managed to go out to lunch on Saturday and to an open house at a Kid's Gym to let Kayla work off her energy. It worked once I got over nursing both of them in public (not at the same time) and accepting the help of any poor soul that offered.

On Sunday, we did the almost unthinkable. We went to church alone. Now, I thought this was a great plan because let's face it they all go to the nursery or Sunday school for an hour and my mind though BREAK TIME! if I could just get us there. But, alas this is where the plan had logistical issues. Getting all of us up, showered, fed and dressed in dresses took 3 hours. But, really at one point I was posed to be on time. I had Kayla on the front porch, Karsen locked into her carrier and was walking across the living room with Kennedy when, yup, she threw up all over both of us. Not the little spit up that I have learned to live with and pretend is parenting perfume, but most of the contents of her stomach on my entire outfit, the floor and herself. 15 minutes later we were redressed and on our way, again. Now late for church the children's staff helped me get everyone to their rightful places and me settled into an extra chair in the back of the sanctuary where I could fight sleep and contemplate how long it would take me to leave the house if I had short hair. That is when another 'good' idea struck me, I could go to the nursery and feed each baby with the help of the staff. (Read: Whoever is picked in line to be eater number 2 will begin to protest a few minutes into number 1's meal and I will once again have to silently list the reasons I nurse rather than bottle feed them). To spare you the details let's just say, by the time I left their room BOTH babies were in new outfits, one nursery worker needed to go find something to change into and sad Kayla was the last kid left in all of the Sunday School wing declaring she had been forgotten. I decided that all that effort earned us a trip out to lunch where I fed Kayla everything she asked for off a salad bar (attempt at mother of the year award) and fielded question of the passer-bys that are twin genuises about why they aren't identical, both are both girls and no I don't sleep enough! (see previous blog venting on these things).

Alas, Clay returned home in time to do that magical thing he does were he and the babies sleep on the couch (why has this never worked for me?) and I started the process of catching up all the things my not-so-free hands did not do all weekend. I promise not to share out loud my support for the Citadel's plan to go into the field once every month and instead focus on the things that came out of this weekend.

1) Both babies now go to bed at 7 pm and do not eat again until 6:30 am. That does not mean they sleep, but at least they don't eat.
2) I discovered Kayla can in fact feed herself from the fridge or pantry when I forget to. Who knew a 4 year old could make PB&J?
3) If you don't do laundry for 3 days, it only takes 5 hours to catch up on it!

Monday is back and let's just admit it - thank goodness for Natasha. In addition to keeping me sane, here are a few of the pictures she took to mark their entrance into month 3. Perk #885: her love of photography.